I asked the Dr. plenty of questions, but I still feel like I have a huge question mark over head. Now, I am home trying to sort out my thoughts (Allan just made me a martini. Maybe that will help? hahaha...).
Dr. Valaik was very helpful and I asked him questions about teaching/doing yoga, recovery time, types of replacements, risks, having a child...oh, my brain is spinning. His answers were mostly clear, with the only vague answer being the big question, "Should I do this or not?" He basically said that this is an elective surgery, and that if I am suffering from so much pain, then--its up to me. Wow, it's up to ME??? Can't you just tell me, "Yes, Mischelle, you need this NOW". Or, "No, sweet child, I'd wait a while for technology to speed up. Lets give it a year or two and then we'll talk". He did say that yes, I am young--this is a serious surgery, and if I was 60 he would be signing me up right away. My x-rays showed obvious deterioration and he said its clear that I should suffer from major pain. He seemed pretty shocked when I told him that I don't take any type of pain medication. It was probably a little too "woo-woo" for me to tell him that I count on breathing techniques, meditation, and yoga--so I didn't.
I did ask him one powerful question, "If I were your daughter, would you want me to go through this?" I didn't know at this time that he has 3 daughters of his own. It seemed to me that I caught him a little off guard when asking this. Dr. Valaik told to me that it really all depends on the pain that I have and if it was taking away from my quality of life. He said that its inevitable that I'd be having this surgery either now, or in a few years, and it all depends on when I want to have this done. No matter what, I will have to have at LEAST one more hip replacement in my lifetime just to maintain. (Apparently, these bad boys don't last forever.)
I have a lot of pros and cons to weigh. I'm sort of an emotional mess right now. I came out of there trembling. I shed a few tears, which was expected--I'm scared. They gave me a binder full of information to look over and we watched a 5 minute video that Dr. Valaik made with some valuable information. His secretary/coordinator lady, Berny, told me about an orientation that we can go to before I make any major decisions. I can guarantee that we will be there for that. There seems to be no question in Allan's mind that I should go ahead and get this done. I just want to know, for myself, that this is the right time.
In my heart, I feel like I trust this doctor. It was by chance that I came to him, and I feel like there is some strange reason why this has all been paved out the way it has. The ride home from Baltimore seemed long. I just sat in the quiet car while the rows of barren trees seemed to speed by me a million miles an hour. The snow flurries hypnotized me while I recapped all that happened in our meeting in my head. I trust that God will help me make the right decisions, and be strong and come out of this with a better, fulfilled life (without pain).
I thank my lucky stars for the amazing support that I have from my friends and family. I'd like to specifically thank Allan, Mom, Jon, Loui, Christina, my In-laws, Kori, Amy, my yoga sisters in YTT...without you, I don't know how strong I could be. I love you all!
Pray for me. xo
Namasté.
