Fearless

This past weekend, during Yoga Teacher Training, I found out that we all had to present a 15-20 minute class.  Apparently, everyone knew and I didn't get the memo.  I was scheduled to go on Sunday.  This was the very first time that we actually had to teach each other.  All of the ladies are very skilled yoginis and I couldn't help but feel inferior and limited due to my hip issues (hip meaning the physical body part--not me being cool or uncool).  Needless to say...I was a nervous wreck!  I had two days to prepare and I had nothing!  I plotted it out in my head Saturday evening, then I woke up super early Sunday morning to roll out my mat and prepare my "class".  The feeling in my stomach felt familiar--It felt like the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach before I went to an audition (in case you didn't know, I was once a theatre major).  I put together a simple vinyasa flow and decided to test it out on the hubby.  Allan has some yoga experience so he was able to give me some helpful constructive criticism.  Although, I don't think he was taking it too seriously as he was passing gas and laughing part of the time. (sigh) Men...

I pretty much had it done, made myself some notes, and decided I wasn't going to do it again before I had to so that I could keep it somewhat unscripted and fresh.
When I arrived to YTT that day, I had the grin of fear on my face.  I mean, I've taught friends and family before, but for some reason teaching a room full of yogis that were training to be teachers scared the #$%! out of me!  I guess its just the fact that they were really going to catch it if I did something wrong.  I don't know? I know they would laugh if they heard me say these things...
You see, I've become really close with my yoga sisters that are taking the training with me.  We began this journey in October and are "graduating" in April, but I feel like I've known many of them forever. They will forever be part of my life.  These women are strong and amazing, and have endured some seriously incredible things in their lives.  Each one of them have inspired me in so many ways.

Okay, anyways...yeah, the class...So here I am Sunday morning, and I was the 3rd person up that day.  Everyone before me did such an amazing job!  I felt like the odds were against me.  I mean someone has to screw it all up, right?  I went up in front of the 13 or so bright-eyed ladies, put a smile on my face, and began my class.  Before I knew it, I was in a zone.  I just went through it, and honestly couldn't remember some of the things I said.  I tried my best to create a good atmosphere, set my ego aside, and just go with the "flow".
Phew...those 15 minutes went by pretty fast.  I was pleasantly surprised.  When I was done, there was the critiquing.  I was dreading that! I am definitely a person who can take constructive criticism, but I was bracing myself for the worst.  To my surprise, apparently, I did a good job.  I mean, during my feedback I actually moved people to tears (and it wasn't from some sort of suffering), which moved me to tears. Me??? Woooow.  I had no clue I could do that?  My critiques were painless, and it all gave me an all new boost of confidence.  My mentor and yoga teacher, Jennifer, said some of the kindest most touching things that I have ever heard.  I was flattered.  It reassured me that I am in the right place, and that I should stay right where I am.  I had one foot out the door as far as teaching yoga was concerned, but the feeling I had on Sunday was irreplaceable.  I can't give up now. I know that this is still a very long journey and I'm not there yet but, hip surgery or not, I'm sticking with this.  Its already burnished in my heart.


In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. ~Bill Cosby