Every Ending Has A Beginning

some of my beautiful yogini sisters

I'm happy to say that I'm back to attending a couple of yoga classes a week and teaching Allan at home (best student ever!).  My yoga teacher training ends this weekend, and its going to be extremely bittersweet.  I've been on this journey since the beginning of October, and still have a little make-up work to do (because of the ol' hip hurdles).  It's been a long road, and I can't wait to put all of this knowledge to good use.  I've met some of the most amazing women who have inspired me, lifted me up, challenged me, opened their hearts and shared their stories with me. They will always have a near and dear space in my heart.  I thank them for that.

I've had lots of time to think lately, and it has brought me back to what made me love yoga in the first place. What got me here?
It all started in Puerto Rico, 2006 .  I was a bored, military spouse, living on base with nothing to call my own.  I knew that yoga was supposed to be good for me, and I knew that with all of my hip pain--it couldn't hurt.  So, I started out doing random yoga dvd's in my living room with my girlfriend, Carina. We laughed and joked and took none of it seriously.  I later decided to give it another try and moved on to local classes that were only in Spanish. That was quite funny. I could swear that the handsome Puerto Rican yoga teacher was walking past me was telling me that I was excellent, only to find out he was telling me to exhale.  Yeah, I know.  My ego was crushed, and my spanish got a lot better after that.  ;)

Yoga friends in Puerto Rico

The Secret Garden

Then I started going to this place in Rincon, PR.  A place called the Secret Garden.  Yes,it was as magical as it sounds.  It was an art gallery, guest house, and "yoga studio". There was a giant, wooden, yoga deck outside that faced the ocean and was canopied by luscious green tropical trees and plants.  Random dogs would come by and you never knew if they belonged to the owner, or if they were just strays that wanted to hang out there as much as I did.  I didn't blame them.  The setting was serene and peaceful.  Cool ocean breezes randomly gusted at you while practicing and no music was needed--the sound of the ocean was enough.  It was amazing.  I was hooked.  How could you not be?  

After practicing there for a bit, I decided to take some workshops and I did a teacher training when I went home to Houston to deepen my practice. I was not really sure if I'd ever teach, but I knew that I needed to know more.  The thought of teaching had always appealed to me, I just don't think I ever had the confidence to do it.  Its not like when I was actively involved with theatre. Teaching yoga is not like doing a play, you have to be yourself, and if you're not--it really shows.  No masks, no stage-makeup or costumes, or script.  Just you--bare bones, open-hearted. That's scary to me for some reason.  

 a temple in Northeast Thailand

Things really changed in the Spring of 2008. I visited Thailand for the first time with my Mom and her husband. It was supposed to be a trip of a lifetime--getting to meet my family for the first time and see where my Mom lived, grew up and eventually met my Dad...
Those things did happen, but it ended up being a really hard and emotionally challenging trip for me.  Luckily, I was able to tap into my yoga and meditation practice to ease my pain.  I knew that it could calm me, and put my mind at ease.  I knew it was a safe comfortable place for me to be when I was sad, couldn't sleep, or simply missed my husband.  It allowed me to control my anxiety and find peace. Thats when I really realized that it was more for me than just some exercise.
Thailand, in general, is a very spiritual place.  It was everything I imagined--beautiful, exotic, full of smiles, and I felt comfortably at home there.  We spent a lot of time visiting beautiful golden wats (buddhist monasteries) and temples with large buddha statues, and even met with a monk.  It hit home for me not only spiritually, but in a weird deep-rooted, these-are-my-peeps kind of way.  I had never been to Thailand, and although the trip was not easy on me emotionally for various reasons, it was just what I needed to fill an empty void in my heart.  I had a moment of, ahhh...I understand. That "other" half of me made sense now.

We soon thereafter transferred to Philadelphia, and a lady had recommended that I go to an "amazing yoga studio" called Yoga Schelter.  I came home, looked it up, and it was literally around the block from me--walking distance...SCORE!  It was meant to be. She was right, it is amazing, and I have been a regular student there ever since.
This leads me to where I am now, in the Yoga Schelter/RYAH yoga teacher training.  I have decided that it is now time for me to take this whole "yoga thing" to a whole other level. Its been an interesting experience--some days sweeter than others.
 Everything seems to fall in place, though.

During this journey, I have realized that it's okay to be who you are, that I can't do everything alone, but yet, I can do a lot on my own in the same.  I have learned that I am incredibly emotional (many of you know this already--I cry at the drop of a hat), and truly care about other's well-beings.  Also, through this YTT I have come leaps and bounds with the healing of my hip and getting on this hip surgery(s).  This was a huge discovery for me, considering I may have waited years to feel better.  All of this had to happen when I was ready, and I feel that I am.  I do believe that the universe has set this up for me, and that there is a reason why I am here doing what I am doing right now.  I just have to trust it and go with the flow, count my blessings and put out what I want in return.

My yoga teacher training may be ending soon, but I feel like its just the beginning...

Fearless

This past weekend, during Yoga Teacher Training, I found out that we all had to present a 15-20 minute class.  Apparently, everyone knew and I didn't get the memo.  I was scheduled to go on Sunday.  This was the very first time that we actually had to teach each other.  All of the ladies are very skilled yoginis and I couldn't help but feel inferior and limited due to my hip issues (hip meaning the physical body part--not me being cool or uncool).  Needless to say...I was a nervous wreck!  I had two days to prepare and I had nothing!  I plotted it out in my head Saturday evening, then I woke up super early Sunday morning to roll out my mat and prepare my "class".  The feeling in my stomach felt familiar--It felt like the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach before I went to an audition (in case you didn't know, I was once a theatre major).  I put together a simple vinyasa flow and decided to test it out on the hubby.  Allan has some yoga experience so he was able to give me some helpful constructive criticism.  Although, I don't think he was taking it too seriously as he was passing gas and laughing part of the time. (sigh) Men...

I pretty much had it done, made myself some notes, and decided I wasn't going to do it again before I had to so that I could keep it somewhat unscripted and fresh.
When I arrived to YTT that day, I had the grin of fear on my face.  I mean, I've taught friends and family before, but for some reason teaching a room full of yogis that were training to be teachers scared the #$%! out of me!  I guess its just the fact that they were really going to catch it if I did something wrong.  I don't know? I know they would laugh if they heard me say these things...
You see, I've become really close with my yoga sisters that are taking the training with me.  We began this journey in October and are "graduating" in April, but I feel like I've known many of them forever. They will forever be part of my life.  These women are strong and amazing, and have endured some seriously incredible things in their lives.  Each one of them have inspired me in so many ways.

Okay, anyways...yeah, the class...So here I am Sunday morning, and I was the 3rd person up that day.  Everyone before me did such an amazing job!  I felt like the odds were against me.  I mean someone has to screw it all up, right?  I went up in front of the 13 or so bright-eyed ladies, put a smile on my face, and began my class.  Before I knew it, I was in a zone.  I just went through it, and honestly couldn't remember some of the things I said.  I tried my best to create a good atmosphere, set my ego aside, and just go with the "flow".
Phew...those 15 minutes went by pretty fast.  I was pleasantly surprised.  When I was done, there was the critiquing.  I was dreading that! I am definitely a person who can take constructive criticism, but I was bracing myself for the worst.  To my surprise, apparently, I did a good job.  I mean, during my feedback I actually moved people to tears (and it wasn't from some sort of suffering), which moved me to tears. Me??? Woooow.  I had no clue I could do that?  My critiques were painless, and it all gave me an all new boost of confidence.  My mentor and yoga teacher, Jennifer, said some of the kindest most touching things that I have ever heard.  I was flattered.  It reassured me that I am in the right place, and that I should stay right where I am.  I had one foot out the door as far as teaching yoga was concerned, but the feeling I had on Sunday was irreplaceable.  I can't give up now. I know that this is still a very long journey and I'm not there yet but, hip surgery or not, I'm sticking with this.  Its already burnished in my heart.


In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. ~Bill Cosby

Fall Update!

Cat in the hat, Dorothy, Misch"elvis", and Ballerina

Beer wench, Rag doll, and Jem

Redneck, and Charlie (from 2 and a Half Men)

The Bear #$&!er from Super Troopers (I personally never saw the movie)

Mrs. Lovett and Sweeny Todd

Little ___ in a box, Shaggy, Chuck Norris, and Big ___in a box!

Ok, I haven't really found the time to update, so here is a quickie! This fall has been pretty crazy/hectic...
Let's see...here is what's new:

-My family came to visit, it was awesome! Of course they came while Philadelphia was having its first Nor'easter so the weather sucked. Rainy and cold the whole time! It was just nice to sit and talk, and just be with loved ones. I miss them all so much. Next time, I want them to bring my nieces and their wives. The girls would love it here; its so kid friendly!

-Danny came and we had our Halloween party. It was a blast, with an interesting mix of people--neighbors, coasties, and yogis, oh my! :) Danny really seemed to enjoy his time here in Philly. We showed him around a little, but his stay definitely wasn't long enough.

-Yoga teacher training is going well. I've met some incredibly amazing women and just know they will be part of my life for a very long time. YTT is also humbling at times (dealing with my hip issues makes it a bigger challenge). I keep pushing through and refuse to give up, even though sometimes I feel like crying in the corner. I have such wonderful support from my friends and family and know that I am doing the right thing.

-Allan is doing his first ever marathon here on Sunday and I am making a sign and will be cheering him on all the way! I am so proud of you, honey! YOU CAN DO IT! xo

-I've already gone through two prolotherapy treatments and the second one was much better than the first. This time, Dr G. added some glucosamine to the injections. Oh, and I did take the valium. (Maybe that's why it was more bearable than the last) Again, Allan was there holding my hand and I only cried a little. I didn't even get a lollipop. Wth?

-Oh, speaking of lollipops, my "diet" is going really well. I cheated for a bit when we had company, and had a gluttonous Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbor friends on Sunday. Other than that, I would say I've been pretty good and have lost about 11 lbs so far. I am still a work in progress. I hate that most of my Halloween party guests brought me tons of chocolates and wine! So tempting! Whatever, wine and dark chocolates are good for you anyways! ;)

Autumn, a time for change

This is a picture I took from Fall of last year.

The cool weather is here, and I'm loving it! The windows are open, the crisp air is coming in, and I'm freshening up the blankets. The leaves are beginning to change, and I feel like its a metaphor for my life--a little bit of revamping, change, and new things to come. This Fall is a very exciting and hopeful one for me.

Here are somethings that I'm expecting to happen this Fall:

- My Mom is coming up to celebrate her 60th birthday along with my two older twin Brothers. They haven't been up here yet, so I am thrilled to have my family here--I can't wait! :)

- I am starting another yoga teacher training. This time, here in Philadelphia with Yoga Schelter and RYAH yoga. It should be a very challenging yet rewarding journey. I can't wait to challenge myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm sure I will be blogging all about it!

- I am having prolotherapy done on my hip (next week!). Its an alternative orthopedic procedure to non-surgically reconstruct joints, ligaments, and tendons weakened by trauma or arthritis (for those who don't know, I have a bad hip--born with congenital hip dysplasia, had several surgeries as a child, which has caused me to now have arthritis). This procedure makes me extremely nervous because it looks incredibly painful (think flavor injecting a turkey with a big ass needle)! It looks awful, but it is about time I do something about all of the pain that I have on a daily basis. Pray that it works! Apparently my other alternative is a hip replacement--no bueno. :(

- Our dear friend Danny is coming to visit on Halloween weekend from Florida! He has been to Puerto Rico to visit us a couple of times, but hasn't been to Philly yet. Its always a fun time when Danny is around. He is one of Allan's best friends and like another brother to me.

- Apparently, I am in charge of making Allan and Danny's Halloween costumes this year. God help me. Lol!

- We are having a Halloween cocktail/costume party at our place this year. I've realized that I really don't entertain as much as I'd like to and I just looove to dress up, so...why not?

- I am also making our dog's halloween costumes for the annual doggy halloween costume contest in my apt building. Yep, busting out the sewing machine and all. They will be winners for sure. I have some ideas and will tell you what ALL the boys will be later. ;)

- I just started a new semester of school for my CAM (Complementary Alternative Medicine) degree. I still LOVE it, and it is going very well. I will be a student forever it seems.

- I am doing a major overhaul of organizing and cleaning our apartment. One bedroom down, two more to go, plus two bathrooms...oh, and the kitchen! We have collected too many things move after move and some of it will just have to go to Goodwill or donated elsewhere. I don't even want to think about all of the stuff that is in our storage facility...good lawd!

Hmmm...Well, thats all I can think of right now. Hahha! If anyone has any good ideas for halloween costumes (pet or human), party recipes, or decorations, leave me a comment! :)