Saturday, May 3, 2008

March 21, 2008

Debbie Downer

So far, not so good. Allan called early this morning, and told me that we will be transferring to Philadelphia. It was sooo nice talking to him, although it was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had with him since he’s been gone. I think we both had our hopes up for Houston, and with us being so far apart; it was a very emotional phone call. I stood in the kitchen at my Aunt’s house, tears running down my face uncontrollably. I know that everyone was wondering WTF?
Forget the Philly part, the worst thing about this conversation is that I failed to tell Allan Happy Birthday! I feel like the worst wife ever!!! I can’t believe I did that!!! Not to make excuses, but he called right when I woke up, I was disoriented, and still had no clue what day or time it is, and I was still jet-lagged and confused! Ugh, that is no excuse… I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT! I never forget these things, and I feel so terrible that I can’t even explain. I pre-sent him a card, and some gifts before my trip, but I actually spoke to him on “The Day” and didn’t say a word! I feel so awful. He had to call back after we hung up, to say, “Did you forget to say something?” I was like, “I love you???” I AM SUCH A SCHMUCK!!! I hate the way I feel right now. I wish I could just snap my fingers and magically appear before Allan, and hug and kiss him all over, and tell him how sorry I am. I know it sounds like I am beating myself up over this. It is just hard being on the other side of the world, and not able to talk to your husband when you want to, because he is at Officer’s school, and they only have half-assed working pay phones. L I just need to vent. My heart aches right now. I could tell he was bummed; my poor hubby spent a lonely birthday in CT, while his wife forgot to wish him a good one. Way to go Mischelle.

I am lying in bed right now, and there are too many things around me that make me uncomfortable:
- The bed comforter is super itchy…no sheets.
- The mattress is rock hard.
- There are several large spiders above my head.
- The fan squeals like a cricket each rotation
- There is no reading light, just a long fluorescent bulb across the room opposite of those damn spiders.
- My hip hurts
- There is no clock in here
- Allan is not next to me.
I know that I sound like a bitchy-puss, but this is really hard for me. At this point I am having such a bad day, that not even Tylenol PM can make better. I need to sleep and just pray that the next day will bring me sunshine.